“The house is for the people, not the people for the house.” I heard this quote on a podcast I’ve been listening to recently. (If you’re interested it’s called “Bright Hearth” and its focus is on recovering the lost arts of the Christian household.) The context of the quote is how we view our household; what is its purpose, what are our priorities, etc. This quote resonated with me because I’ve struggled with getting this concept backwards for many years. Here’s a viral Facebook post that illustrates perfectly how too often in our society, the “people exist for the house”. Check out the following post that has thousands of likes/shares/comments on social media:
“I NEED vacuum lines.What do I mean by this? I mean I literally cannot relax in my own home unless it looks like no one lives here. This is not a trait I am boasting about, if I am being honest- it’s kind of crippling. I read a parenting article about those carpet lines- that basically said one day all we will have left is a clean, empty home & to enjoy the mess. But I can’t. I can’t enjoy anything when it feels like my home is not tidy. I know this is not normal. Its not normal to fester about your home. Its not normal to wake up and manically clean every day. But its what I do to feel “normal”. I get so many comments from friends on how clean my home is and how they wish they could keep up with theirs. I’m sure they would change their minds if they knew the control it has over my mind. The tension it causes in my home. Sure its nice to look at from the outside, but at times these walls feel like they are closing in as I complete my daily cleaning to-do list. I want to be able to make a mess and walk away. I want to be able to let the dishes pile up while I lay on the couch watching a movie. Truth is, I cant. Something inside me just will not let it happen. If I plan to relax everything around me must be in its place, and even then my mind is racing checking each space in my head ensuring nothing else needs to be done. Some of us have vacuum lines and tidy homes not as a flex but quite possibly the opposite. We have them because our environment plays a huge role in our mental health. We don’t think were better than you, heck I’m sure many of us envy you. No one wants to wake up and clean their home every single day, but some of us do so we can function. For some of us our home is the one thing we have control over.”
There are many posts similar to this one circulating on social media and before I dive into what’s wrong with this mindset, let me just make it clear: I AM THAT GIRL. 🙋🏼♀️By God’s grace, I’ve gotten MUCH better, but any “stepping on toes” that this blog post does, has already danced right over my own two feet 👣
For instance, just a couple of weeks ago, instead of resting on Sunday afternoon with the rest of my little family, I went out to get the grocery shopping done. I wanted to rest. But my mind was already into the coming week & I wanted to get a jumpstart. I huffed to my hubby about wanting to nap but also having lots to do on the way out the door. When I returned from my grocery run, I opened the garage door and the glorious smell of Pine-Sol hit my nostrils. 🙌🏼 My husband was tackling the last room of the house with our Bissell-Crosswave (my favorite appliance) & had been hard at work while I was away. Listen ladies, I don’t care what’s trendy nowadays, get you a man that’ll vacuum- it’s always HOTT 🔥😍😆💯Okay, back to the point. After falling in love with my sweet husband even more, I said something like “the smell of Pine-Sol and clean floors just does something for my SOUL!” And then the quote above entered my head. Yes, I LOVE a clean house. Gimme all the vacuum lines, shiny counters, tidy organization, the mirror with no toothpaste splatter, windows with no prints, and stainless steel appliances with no streaks. Gimme me ALL that. HOWEVER: The truth is, none of the above actually does a thing for my “soul”; but it sure does make my flesh feel good. My conscience caught the words that slipped out of my mouth in that moment and I remembered: “The house is for the people, not the people for the house.”
Because here’s what happens & it never fails. The day I mop is the day one of my kids has a massive spill. It’s the day I choose to include rice with our dinner & instantly regret it after the meal as I try to pick up each little grain without causing smear marks on the floor like a crazy lady. The mirrors that were spotless almost instantly have toothpaste art reappear, there’s a small-person handprint on the refrigerator, it looks like someone may have licked the sliding glass door. 🥴And if you’re like me, you start to get fussy. “Can’t the house just be clean for 30 minutes at least?! Not asking for much around here! Come on guys, I just cleaned the floors. Whose hands are sticky? I swear I can’t keep anything clean anymore.” 😬Whether it’s always verbalized or not, I’m sooooo guilty of this attitude. You know what all of the above communicates? My “people” exist to keep my house clean. My house doesn’t exist for my people to live in and play in and love in. My people need to get on board with keeping our house in pristine condition.
“How can I get these people to serve the constant demands of the household?”
INSTEAD OF …
“How can our household serve my people (and others)?”
Ouch.
This isn’t an excuse to be lazy, to live like a slob, to be unorganized, and just let it all go. This blog isn’t to beat up the people who struggle with OCD and anxiety (which I personally think is the root of a lot of people’s feelings regarding this topic). This is just an invitation to be introspective and get reoriented to a proper perspective.
Again, lest anyone think “I’ve arrived” and I’m picking on you, let me tell on myself once more. I recently bought a scrub brush from Amazon. It was on an extendable handle & it came with various brush heads. I had been wanting to clean my kitchen cabinets & so when it arrived, I went to town one Saturday morning. It was like “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie” except “If You Give A Mom A Scrub Brush.” 🧽Here’s how it went…I scrubbed the outside of my cabinets (they’re black so they show stuff easily) & kitchen island first. Then I scrubbed my backsplash, then I sprayed & scrubbed my countertops, which led me to my kitchen table, so obviously I also scrubbed the table legs, chairs, and bench. At which point I took one glance at the high chair and knew it was next. Also, the wall behind the high chair and booster seat where my boys eat, looked like a war zone, so I literally scrubbed the wall, the window sill, and baseboards. The appliances looked left out comparatively, so they got a quick wipe down too. As I stood at my sink rinsing out my brushes, I looked out the window into the backyard but I realized I could barely see out there with all the streak marks so the sliding glass door got a good scrubbing as well. Before I knew it, I literally spent hours cleaning my kitchen & I could’ve kept going but I cut myself off because we had somewhere to be that night.
Side note for a funny story: I was supposed to take a big salad to a new friend’s house for dinner this same night. I got so caught up in my Scrub Brush Bonanza that I totally forgot until we were loading my kids in the car, already running late. I FREAKED out at my forgetfulness. “EVERY MILLIMETER OF MY KITCHEN IS CLEAN BUT I FORGOT THE STUPID SALAD. I’M SUCH A TRAINWRECK. SURE, YOUR KITCHEN IS SPARKLING HILARY, BUT MAYBE WITH ALL THE TIME YOU SPENT IN THERE TODAY YOU COULD’VE REMEMBERED THE ONE THING YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO…” You get it.🤪 Seriously, it’s not one of my proudest moments. But now it’s hilarious to think about how my 3 year old helped snap me out of it when I got in the car & she said “Mom, you’re freaking out about salad. It’s okay. Everyone makes big mistakes.” 🥺Gosh I love that kid. And she was right (even SHE knew it was a “big” mistake, but I digress.) We finished loading up the car, stopped by Walmart & bought salad stuff, & apologized to the host. She graciously told me “Oh no worries, the other lady that’s coming is bringing a salad too.” I almost collapsed into the floor. 🙃She had NO idea what all had transpired in regards to the salad, but Chris and I had a good laugh about it later. There are these rare days where I begin to think I have it all together & then God with His sense of humor so quickly reminds me that I’m still a work in progress. At first, all I see is my shortcomings and then eventually my sense of humor catches up with God’s & He gives me the grace to laugh at myself & hand the controls back over to Him. I’m like a balloon that you blow up in your hand & then let go. I just need a hot minute to let it all out & I’ll come back down soon. And my sweet husband takes it all in stride. Blessed assurance.
So back to the kitchen. Was it wrong of me to spend hours deep cleaning my kitchen? Nope. It was overdue for a good scrub-a-dub. And we’re called to steward well what we’ve been blessed with. But that sneaky, fussy attitude snuck back in after all that scrubbing. I jokingly told Chris, “now that I’ve scrubbed the kitchen, we can’t ever eat in there again.” 🤣Mostly kidding, kinda not. 😅 Imagine me seriously lining up my 3, 2, and almost 1 year old like a drill sergeant telling her little troops, “mommy just spent hours scrubbing this kitchen and so it’s now your responsibility to make sure it stays that way.” Of course we don’t outright say and do such silly things, but all too often it’s where our hearts and thoughts are truly at. So that quote continues to repeat in my head in these situations DAILY: “The house is for the people, not the people for the house.”
Motherhood is sanctifying. This particular area is one I’ve been uncomfortably forced to grow in over the past few years. I’ve heard it said that with each additional child you have to lower your expectations and while I don’t agree with that in every regard, there’s definitely some truth there. Having a clean house gives me such a sense of peace. Like the author of the FB post above, I can best relax when things are clean & tidy. In fact, my hubby & I have a nightly rhythm that we’ve fallen into where all toys are put away, the kitchen is clean, coffee/lunches are prepped, and we give the house a quick tidy-up before bedtime. It’s a soothing routine for us. It’s a reset button before we get up and do it all over again. It’s just plan wise because housework can quickly become overwhelming and small rhythms matter. I’m all for that! But as we began to grow our family, I quickly realized that the sense of “peace” I got when my floors were clean never lasted as long as I wanted it to. I began to have to tell myself, “My peace doesn’t come from clean floors. My peace is a Person. Clean floors come & go. My true source of peace is Jesus & He’s a constant.” That mindset shift was a real-life example of how Christians should be renewing their minds with God’s Word. It’s putting 2 Corinthians 10:5 into practice by taking every anxious, OCD-riddled, selfish, immature, temporally-focused, idolatrous thought captive to the obedience of Christ. 💥Yes, I understand people struggle with anxiety & OCD; I’ve been there. If it’s seriously debilitating for you, please seek help. But by now you know that I’m writing from a Christian worldview and so no excuse frees us from being obedient to Scripture. And if I place too much emphasis on the state of my household instead of the people that my house holds, I’ve got a problem. Houses are temporary. Our people will live forever.
The last line of that FB post reveals the heart of the matter: “For some of us our home is the one thing we have CONTROL over.” While many of us resonate with the author of the FB post, we can all agree: that’s no way to live. Being in control feels good. It brings a sense of peace, comfort, and self-assurance. But even the most self-reliant of us have to relinquish the unhealthy, covetous need to be in the driver’s seat. You can’t grip your need for control in one hand and think you’re leaving room for faith in God in the other. Faith is open palms facing upward. Control is clenched fists held closely. No man can serve 2 masters. We can serve self or we can serve Christ. What would it look like if Christ slipped into your house for the day to take your role? Imagine Him taking on your to-do list and your people. How would He respond to the same messes, mistakes, and mundane tasks that you handle each day? How might Jesus feed your children their 37th snack while also not missing the opportunity to have a teachable moment about something more sacred than cheese sticks? What might He leave undone as He slips away for some quiet time? What truth might He convey while He folded the laundry? I don’t know your schedules, routines, or your people – but that sure does leave me with a lot to chew on about mine.
Shew. I’m a work in progress. I’ll probably have to pull this post up next week and read it to myself. Sanctification is not pleasant but it serves a purpose: to make us more like Christ. And Jesus cared more about people than He did things. He praised the woman for her sacrifice of worship with the alabaster box when others criticized her waste. He scolded the disciples for shooing the children away. He didn’t care about the friends that ruined the rooftop, he loved their faith that valued a person over property. He repeatedly told us not to worry about what we’d eat or wear; that the flowers of the field & the birds of the air are provided for, so we certainly will be too. That kind of trust goes against every grain of my anxious, Type-A, planner personality. But Jesus didn’t say for us to obey Him and trust Him IF our personality type permits. He said to DIE to self, DAILY take up our cross, and follow Him. He said go & make disciples. So if I’m obediently doing that with my children, I don’t think He cares about the dishes. He said be hospitable without grumbling. (I swear that verse is in there just for me. 😬) He said set your minds on things above, seek first the kingdom of God, and be content in all circumstances. He said don’t make for yourselves an idol. My, oh my, those come in all shapes and sizes don’t they?
The people aren’t for the house, the house is for the people. Let’s renew our minds. Let’s check our priorities. Let’s be obedient to Scripture. Let’s focus on the eternal. Let’s work hard, be faithful, and get into a routine. Let’s also rest, laugh, and know when to be spontaneous.
Let’s build households that exist for the people, not the other way around.
Only By His Grace & My Grit,
Hilary
P.S. If you need a boost getting started or need to revamp your approach, resources for household management can be found at Thankful Homemaker. Check out Marci’s podcast too! She has SO many practical tips & approaches homemaking from a Biblical perspective.
P.P.S. A few books that I’ve recently read that have helped shape my perspective of mothering littles & juggling a household are Loving the Little Years and Fit To Burst both by Rachel Jankovic. These are short, easy reads that are SO incredibly relatable & encouraging. 👏🏼Lastly, I recently read Habits of the Household with a friend (this book deserves a whole blog post by itself) & I can’t recommend it enough! Maybe you’ve got a routine down, but you need help incorporating the spiritual aspect into your rhythms. This book will lead you to actually disciple your children. It is GOLD. 💯
